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We've been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, as they were only interested in the spouse. She was stunned by her. She made more effort toward our bond, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her last employer became hostile, although she was highly competent, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my position in the relationship is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been planning a holiday to a nation I know well many times and resided in for a while. I tried to offer insights, yet it was unappreciated. She really just desired me to confirm her decisions. I've just come back from four weeks there she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she will ever comprehend the effect of her actions on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is not often the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to working things out takes courage and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Step two is to tell the way it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute here. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting ways you together going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

This can be successful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of because their very survival depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react defensively before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach a fix, it provides peace knowing you were honest with her.